I can’t really remember how long I had to struggle with leaving my bed undress every morning. Initially, I was comfortable with it since Mum or someone else will always come around for it. However, it started becoming a serious problem when I got into high school- it was a boarding school. I would wake up and leap out of bed to get ready for the day without looking at my bed. Then when the daily inspectors came around, while I was already in class, they would send for me and give me the lashing of my life. I was always being punished for crimes around my bunk. At a point I was summoned by the House Master; he was infuriated at my habit so much that he had to place me under close watch for a whole term. Yet the habit lingered- I was just ok with leaping out bed; I just felt comfortable leaving it that way. I knew it was bad or even dirty but I couldn’t help it. When I tried; I managed for about a week of “bed-laying” when I woke, but not after that. I just slumped back to “leaping out”.
Significantly, one morning- at home, towards my final year in high school- my little Sister, Princess, woke me up for the family devotional fellowship. I struggled out of bed and headed for the door just as she took a few steps into my room. I was about shutting the door behind me when I noticed she was still inside- standing inquisitively- starring at my scattered bed. When I asked her what she was looking at, she simply looked at me disappointedly and went to work on my bed. As I got the message I hurried into the sitting room to join others in the fellowship. However, I was not myself throughout the devotion; how could it be that my little teenage sister was the one to teach me simple bed habit. I was so ashamed of myself that the idea of leaving my bed undressed disgusted me. From then, I knew I needed a change. Enough of the embarrassment!
The habit I battled with might seem less indulging; especially since it doesn’t take much to dress a bed. However, at that age it was a very difficult one to quit but I did. I have come to apply similar techniques I used in overcoming that habit in dealing with other stronger ones that came up later and I have written this piece to help you.
Have you been struggling with a bad habit for long? Each time you try to put it off it out-wills you. You know you have to do away with it but you seem not to know how to do this. Is it smoking, Drunkenness, Unfaithfulness, masturbation, lies telling, over indulgence in pornography…? Or do you know someone who is battling with a bad habit? I will show you five things you should do if freedom is your goal.
Bad habits, like leaches, stick with the host- some pulling and scratching is needed in having it let go. They take time to form but once they do, they become a part of you. You either learn to live with them or decide to do away with them. Let’s have the magical five
1. Resolve to turn around: it is your will to change that can save you. Until you decide to drop that habit, no therapist can save you. A bad habit can only make you unhappy with your life later. It is an ill wind. Every habit has a consequence. You have to understand this and resolve to do something about the habit immediately. Each time you indulge in a habit you give it an upper-hand over your ability to drop it.
You might need to be disgusted about the habit to build the will to change it. You can associate a bad feeling to the act. Let the thought of it irritate you. You can associate it with a very bitter experience in the past. The idea is to try to force your subconscious to repel the habit. You can find out what is at stake; is it your health, relationships, marriage, reputation, financial freedom… future?
2. Find out why and how it came about: The root of the habit is very important. It answers a lot of questions. If you know how it all started you will have a better chance at dealing with it. For instance, a habit that started by peer influence can be dropped easily than one picked from a parent. The point is in finding out what led to it. Is it an unhealthy thirst, an influential experience, indiscriminate exposure, immature indulgence, peer pressure etc? Why did you get involved in the first place? You could have it written down. Are you still in it for the same reason why you started it? What has kept you in it for this long? You can hand over your discoveries to a counselor. Remember: you must be very truthful about this.
3. Cease control over your life: One thing about habits is that they take charge of your life. That’s why you can’t just drop them without some serious battle. They control your senses and respond to your need. They know your weaknesses and how best to use them against you. So you end up dropping and picking them again. But it doesn’t have to be so. You can still cease power. It starts from the mind. Reprioritize your values and empower your will.
Thoughts controls emotion, which in turn direct ones life. Since you can decide what to think, you are responsible for your life. Use this ability to your advantage. Don’t let stimulus and situations control you. Bad habits are often stimulated by the value we attach to agents that urges to indulge in them. You have to control your senses. Decide what shouldn’t appeal to you and practice rejecting it consistently.
4. Practice the art of distraction: We give strength to the thoughts we focus intently on. It follows that the more distracted you are the lesser the grip of the impulse on you. In fighting a bad habit, it is wise, each time you are tempted, to direct your thoughts to activities of very strong impression. Once the mind is distracted pleasure is distorted. You can go out to meet people, look over an unfinished task, solve a riddle or even play a game. More interestingly, you can write about the battle of will against pleasure going on in you. On the contrary, if you keep thinking about how to go through the challenge, you will fall prey once again. You will give the stimulus a good chance to tempt you.
5. Replace the habit with a new one or even a skill: This is one very efficient way to get rid of a bad habit. When you always do something else even though you are prompted to do another, you gradually place the new thing above the other. This can be really interesting and it works like magic! But make sure the new habit is a good one, which you derive joy in. A smoker, for instance, may decide to practice the piano each time he is tempted to smoke a cigarette. If he does this consistently he will soon switch what gives him pleasure and put habits in competition for dominion. Insightfully, the inner-man always knows what’s best for the man.
Every human soul seeks for freedom. We are designed to love freedom whether from people or things. It is these crave for freedom and self expression that leads into a bad habit; same will lead you out of it. But you must first convince yourself that you are in bondage of that habit and be willing to pick up another one.
